I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
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I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pooping to opera.
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