I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
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i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize