sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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