i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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