They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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