My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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