I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize