i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need a beard to bite.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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