That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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