When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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