What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
its not stalking. its research.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize