my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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