I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
they need to just BURY HIM!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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