so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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