u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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