I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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