i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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