If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
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She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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