I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize