Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
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I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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