the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
where am i from again
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
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God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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