Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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