I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
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He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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