I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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