my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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