she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize