You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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