well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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