I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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