its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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