2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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