Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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