i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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