im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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