true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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