Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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