Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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