So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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