my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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