I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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