Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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