I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize