You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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