if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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