so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
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She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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