Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
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so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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