she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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