Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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