the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
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Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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