I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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